Megamind Oneshots
by WednesdaysChild451208
Summary: What happens when Megamind gets shot? What does 'get cat' mean? Why does Roxanne keep her hair short? These questions and more will be answered here.
1. Megamind gets Shot

**Megamind Gets Shot**

**I dion't own Megamind. If I did there would already be several sequels out by now and many more in production. :)**

Megamind was in Evil Lair working on a machine that would create holograms of himself all over Metrocity when he heard a scream. His blood froze over at the sound. He had been trying for years to make Roxanne scream, but this was horrible.  
>He unholstered his dehydration gun and ran outside.<p>

He tracked the sounds to the alley next to Evil Lair. What he saw shocked him by both its brutality and the all around crudity of the situation. He stoped holding people up when he was 10.

Megamind slipped into the alley and saw the situation more clearly. As far as Megamind could tell some guy had lured a date there and was now in the process of stealing all her human currency at gun point.

Megamind walked closer to the unhappy couple until he was noticed. They screamed, (which Megamind expected) and the man shot him in the head (which he most certainly didn't) "Oww!" Megamind held his head and then spoke way too calmly. "Good citizen of Metrocity, please move out of the way."

When he looked up, for once in his life he looked the part of the villian. He shot the guy with his defuser gun and ran up quick enough to catch the falling cube. He changed the guns setting to destroy and pointed in at the woman. "If you ever tell anyone about this..." "I won't" she promised fervently as Megamind walked away.

That night he and Minion went to the front of the soon-to-be-opened Metro Man museum. Megamind pulled the blue cube out of his pocket and chucked it into the water. He and Minion laughed when the blue cube turned back into the man. "No one shoots me and gets away with it!"

**I** **figured if his head could destroy concrete, Which happened in the fight with Tighten, and he not die then this could easily be possible.**

**Please with sparkles on top review .**


	2. Get Cat

**Get Cat**

Megamind was walking through the park like he owned the place. Which he kind've did, now that he was the city's Evil Overlord. A title that was lately feeling like a curse. He had left City Hall earlier that day to clear his head. He was wandering aimlessly watching the people there run screaming from him.

He was sitting on a bench when he saw a little boy about five years old hollering at a tree. "Kitty get down! Come back here kitty!" Megamind watched the cat go higher and higher up the tree. He glanced around to see if anyone was watching.

Seeing none he filled a cup with water from a fountain and shot the cat with his dehydration gun. The little boy was about to cry about the apparent demise of his cat until Megamind poured the water on it, returning the cat to its normal shape.

The little boy's mother had ran up to them by that time. "Daniel get away from Megamind right now!" She was about spray the Evil Overlord with her pepper spray.

"I was just getting the cat out of the tree!" Normally Megamind would've allowed her to believe whatever was going through her head to protect his villainous reputation, but pepper spray hurt.

"Oh uh... Daniel say thank you."

"Thank you Mr. Megamind."

Megamind wore a look usually reserved for deer crossing the road, he'd never been thanked for anything before. "You're welcome?" He looked to Daniel's mother to check if that was the proper response. It apparently was. "Goodbye Daniel."

Goodbye Mr. Megamind."

Megamind ran back to the invisible car and gunned it to city hall before he damaged his evil reputation further.


	3. Roxanne's Hair Cut

**Roxanne's Hair Cut**

**This is just a funny short of how Roxanne's hair might've gotten cut during a kidnapping. I thought of it because of all the sharp things Megamind had around her face something was bound to happen. This goes with a future chapter of another story of mine called Evil Queen. Review please? :) **

"You're so predicatable!"

"Predictable, predictable, oh you call this predictable!"

"Your aligators yes, yeah I was thinking about them on the way over."

"What about this? Boom in your face!"

"Chiche."

"No look watch!"

"Juvenile."

"Shock and awe!"

"Tac-Ahh!"

A bolt had popped out that was holding the swirling blades, without it the blades plummeted toward her face.  
>Roxanne leaned as far away from them as she could. She felt the right side of her head become lighter as half a foot of her hair fell to the floor.<p>

Megamind had turned the blades off as soon as she had screamed, so they fell more-harmlessly towards her until Minion stopped them.  
>Megamind looked thoughtfully at her. He took the blades from Minion. "Minion turn them back on."<p>

"Yes Sir?" Minion decided not to ask questions and just do as bidden. He knew his boss wouldn't hurt the reporter on pupose, that was what worried him.

Roxanne gasped when Megamind circled he with the blades, removing the rest of her long hair.  
>He went to a panel covered in blinky dials and pushed a button. "They actually do something besides blink?" Roxanne had though they were there for presentation alone.<p>

"Some of them." Minion answered.  
>Megamind returned with a mirror and gave it to her after having Minion untie he hands.<p>

Roxanne had to admit he had done a pretty good job, not considering he used a doom machine to do it. "Have you considered hair cutting when you're not busy being evil?"

"We're always being evil Miss. Ritchi. " Megamind was happy with her praise, it wasn't the first time she complimented an especially scary doom machine but it was still a rare occurence.

Metro Man busted in through the wall right next to the gaping doors. He took a smiling Megamind back to prison, finished untying Roxanne, said goodbye to Minion, and left.

On her way home Roxanne considered screaming for Megamind next time he kidnapped her as a way of saying thank you for the hair cut. It was sure to be soon with the opening of Metro Tower the next week.


	4. Evil Queen Prequel Kind've

**For those of you that didn't pick up on this from the author's note or the title of the chapter This is kind've a prequel to Evil Queen. I didn't say it outright but basically Megamind is obsessed with a certain reporter, and now he's trying to keep himself from doing exactly what he does in Evil Queen by seeing Malanie. Malanie is a random throw away character I made up just for this. Please review! **

"This is about Miss. Gladestone isn't it? You're going on a date with her!"

"No my main man, get out of town!"

"This is bad. You've fallen in love with her!" *The whole point of this was to keep you from taking Miss. Ritchi, not taking someone else instead!*

"You're forgetting you're place Minion. Now give me the keys!"

Minion lengthens his robotic arm to send the key to the other end of the room. "What happens when Malanie finds out who you really are?"

"She will never find out. That's the point of lying." Megamind pushes a button on Minion's suit and obtains the keys. "Honestly if I didn't know better I'd think this was your first day of being evil."

"No, This has gone far enough!" Minion was stunned by his master's actions. He normally would never use the buttons without Minion's permission, which was only further proof of how much too far this fling-to-protect-Roxanne had gone.

Minion turns on the invisible setting on the invisible car sending Megamind crashing into it.

"That was really grown up." He purses Minion around the car.

"Sir! sir please, it's for your own good."

"What do you know?" *Minion do you want Metro Man to kill me for taking Roxanne?*

"I may not know much but I do know this, the bad guy doesn't get the girl." Minion wasn't talking about Malanie.

Megamind knew who he was indicating. "Maybe I don't want to be the bad guy anymore!"

"Ahh!" Minion knew his master was obsessed with Miss. Ritchi, but to the point of giving up evil

?  
>Megamind was surprised that he'd said that, but he refused to take it back. "You heard me!"<p>

"Who are you?"

"Now give me the keys!" He slams into the car again.

"No! My sole purpose in life is to look after you."

"Well I don't need you to look after me!"

"What are you.. what are you saying? You don't need me?"

"Let me make it clear," He regretted the words before he said them "code: I don't need you."

"You know what.. you know what.. code: I'll just pack my thing and go."

"Code: Fine!" *Code : it is not fine at all!*

"Code: Fine back. He accidentally breaks a mirror with the segway before changing its gears to head out the door. "Well good luck on your date!"

"I will!"

"That doesn't even make any sense!"

"I know!"

Megamind drives to the diner, on the way he tries to drown out his thoughts with some AC/DC. *What am I doing? This isn't right, using Malanie like this, but what other choice is there? Dating Roxanne would be out of the question even without Metro Man.* Megamind sighs as he enters the diner. *This is impossible.*

Melanie was half an hour late. *Did Minion tell her the truth? No he wouldn't do that to me, Would he?*

Malanie arrived "Sorry I'm late, the bus had a flat tire."

"Wow your hair, it looks exciting!"

"Hmm, not the only exciting development of today, Megamind destroyed the building I work in. And I know why." She proceeds with a long rambling rant.

Megamind was about to fall out of his seat, he'd expect Roxanne to figure this kind of thing out, but one of the reasons he decided to spend time with Malanie was because she was usually a little dense. *Second failure of the day, congratulations.*

"It all makes sense now, he missed the easy getaway from the bank so he made a giant robot to destroy it for him!"

"Wow, that's a lot to take in."

"It boggles my mind."

"I'm extremely boggled. I'm sure we'll find out what Megamind is up to, but in the the mean time, lets enjoy each others company."

"I sorry Bernard, you're right I could use a breather. To Bernard, for being the most normal thing in my crazy upside down world."

"To.. being normal. Malanie?"

"Yes?"

"What if I wasn't so normal, say I was bald and had the complexion of a popular primary color, as a random, non-specific example... Would you still enjoy my company?"

"Of course! You don't judge a book by its cover or a person by the outside."

"Oh! That's a relief to hear!"

"You judge them by their actions."

Megamind's mind ran over all his criminal and otherwise immoral actions from the last few years. "Well that seems kinda petty, don't you think?"

She laughs and holds his hand, accidentally activating the holowatch. Malanie gets up and arms herself with a champane bottle.

"What what? Oh! Don't look at me! It's just a technical glitch." Then to Malanie who was still standing there in frozen horror. "Don't look yet." Megamind accidentally sets the watch on Space Dad mode. "Where were we?" *Third failure of the night. I am on a roll.*

Malanie throws the bottle of champane at him before fleeing the diner. The bottle itself misses but the champane fries the holowatch.

Megamind performs a head-desk manuver, dehydrates everyone in the diner, and leaves.

*Where'd I put the invisible car? Of all the times to lose it...* Megamind sighs and starts walking to evil lair in the pouring rain. *I should never have lied to Malanie. Now I've got no car and no minion to find it. MINION!* He started running, if he were in a better mood he would have reveled in how terrifiying he looked but now was not the time.

Minion was riding his segway, he was heading nowhere in particular. His master's words 'I don't need you.' still rung in his mind as though Megamind was following him around and repeating them in his ear. He thought about their shared childhood and how much simpler things were before the Roxanne fixation and Malanie. "I miss you Sir." Minion told the rain, whose respose was to come down harder to further dampen the fish's spirit. Suddenly Minion felt very stupid for leaving his master. *What kind of minion am I?* Minion questioned himself *Leaving Sir all alone, with something bound to go wrong with Malanie at any time, which is exactly why I confronted him in the first place.* Minion turned th segway around and headed back to evil lair. *I'm coming Sir!*

Megamind finally reached his destination. "Minion?" *What if he hasn't came back?* "Min-ion?"

Minion was worried that his master was going to be angry at him when he returned, and that he would be angry at his master as well. But with one look he determined that wasn't the case, and how well his date must've gone. "Sir?"

"Minion!" Before Minion could react his master was hugging him like a life line. "I'msosorryMinionIdid'ntmeanitandIdoneedyou-"

Minion didn't have the heart to pry him off, he instead hugged his master back. "Sir I'm sorry I left."

That got through to the hysterical super villain. "I gave you every reason to leave Minion. If I ever say that I don't need you ever again you can hit me with the forget-me-stick."

"Yes Sir. I presume you lost the invisible car again?" It was an attempt to lighten the mood.

"She found out Minion."

"I'm sorry Sir. I know you really cared about her." It was true, Megamind had started seeing Malanie purely to protect Roxanne, but that straightforward logic had long disapeared.

"Thank you Minion."

"Your welcome Sir. So what are you going to do about Roxanne now?"

"Well, I guess we'll just kidnap her more often, for however long that works."

"And then what?"

Megamind's silence was enough of an answer for him.

"By the way Sir you look disgustingly horrifying."

"Thanks Minion, you always know what to say!"


	5. TV Tropes

**What if Megamind found the Evil Overlord page on TV Tropes? Could possibly become a series maybe...**

"Megamind, you've been in some pretty undignified situations before, but this a whole new level." Roxanne said to the super villain, who was currently searching for the instruction manual for WiFi.

"You think I don't know that? Maybe we should celebrate the achievement with some churros?"

"I like that idea Sir."

"Minion!" *Could this be any worse?*

"Want some advice?" *It's not like your plan will work either way.*

"That would be nice." *Obviously not if Roxanne's handing out advice.*

"Go on the internet and look up WiFi operating instructions. Or would that be too complicated for you?"

*Stop making it sound so simple.* "I can do it!" He goes to the nearest monitor and types in "super villain how to operate TV"

The TV Tropes Evil Overlord List web page appears on the monitor.

"What is this?" Megamind pokes the screen.

*Oh great.* "It's a list some people made on how to be an evil overlord."

"Interesting." He precedes to glaze over at the screen.

"This is not good." *What have I done?*

"No it's not." *It's going to take forever to get Sir off the that computer.*

Metro Man crashes in through the ceiling. "Why haven't you called me yet?" He looks over Megamind's shoulder. "Oh no."

"Tell us about it." Roxanne said. *Good luck Metro City.*

"Should I warn Metroc- Metro City of the upcoming disaster?"

"That would be be wise." Minion said. *Good luck Metro City.*

"Can I go home now?" *Preferably before Megamind accidentally blows it up in some failed attempt at becoming Metro city's evil overlord.*


End file.
